If we had beta tested our union, we might have quickly decided it wasnt a match made in heaven. Increases in cohabitation, same-sex partners, and singlehood are altering of our ideas of marriage. Many couples that are planning, Over the course of the last half-century, living together before marriage has gone from rare and heavily stigmatized to normal and commonplace. There is absolutely no way that sinning together before marriage can do anything but hinder the holy union God designed marriage to be. Still, the findings call into question the value of using limited resources on campaigns to promote marriage over other family forms, Musick said. Today, teenage couples are planning their lives too soon. not believe in religion, nor do they care if you live together before marriage or not. But on the other hand, marriage may still hold a greater social status than cohabitation in the United States, she said. Two Explanations: 1. This shows that the change in social attitudes towards sex outside of marriage has led to an increase in cohabitation., One of the most dramatic trends of recent years has been the tremendous increase in male-female couples who choose to live together without marrying, a practice called cohabitation. They give the marriage a trial run and then decide to formalize or dissolve the marriage after a two-year trial period. This is a prime example of life revolving around offspring and is all too common., Examine Reasons for Change in the Patters of Marriage and Cohabitation in the last 40 years, Are your parents married? Many parents lack a sense of purpose outside childrearing so much that they make the child the main focus of the family as opposed to a part of the whole. What is your opinion on cohabitation before marriage? Beck and Beck-Gernshiem argue that individualism has led to changing attitudes towards cohabitation and marriage. My husband Jason and I had no money, terrible communication, and zero sexual experience when we got married. But Im just going to say it, sexual compatibility is hogwash. Gods plan for marriage is a permanent merger. Identical to Marriage 2 and 3 I will be talking about the benefits and disadvantages of cohabiting before getting married. In "Cohabitation: An Alternative to Marriage?" authors Dr. John Hayward and Dr. Cohabitation may confer . Older studies found that couples who lived together prior to marriage were more likely to divorce than couples who didn't. New research shows that this is no longer true. The freshman fifteen has become a common expression among college students in this generation. Today, teenage couples are planning their lives too soon. Many couples, particularly young couples, believe that by cohabiting before marriage, they will be better able to choose a compatible marriage partner, and go into the marriage with a more accurate view of how they and their partner will solve conflict, divide responsibility, and how compatible they are both emotionally and sexually. There is less pressure to follow the norms and values around love and relationships set by family, religion or culture. at 18?). Several studies have shown that couples who live together before marriage are at significantly greater risk of divorce. According to US Census Bureau estimates, 18 million Americans now cohabit: Of those 18-24, "cohabitation is now more prevalent than living with a spouse: 9% live with an unmarried partner in 2018, compared to 7% who live with a spouse." The study data were drawn from national surveys given in the late 1980s and early 1990s. We see our first description of marriage in Genesis 2:24. Accepted as a testing ground for marriage 3. Couples who cohabit before marriage tend to make less of a commitment, are less satisfied with their marriage and are more likely to divorce. Depending on someone else for happiness is fear-based desperation and only diminishes freedom. In our culture of constant feedback, some people think that beta marriages are a good idea. In recent years, society has become more accepting of differing lifestyles. From a human perspective, living together may seem like a good idea. These numbers show that as times go on more and more people will be living together before marriage. I've come across an experience similar to this. She states, Researchers originally attributed the cohabitation effect to selection, or the idea that cohabiters were less conventional about marriage and thus more open to divorce. When its time for you to say I do, opt for the not-so-free trial by saying no to living together and reserving the most intimate parts of yourself for after youve made a lifetime commitment. Even though she points out a great point about marriage being the right kind of relationship if someone wants a long-term commitment, it can also harm the parents and their future child in the long run. Of those who make it to the altar, couples who live together are almost twice as likely to divorce as compared to those couples who dont live together before marriage. Theres no way to fast track a lifetime commitment. . Research suggests that that at least some of the risks may lie in cohabitation itself., Psychologist Amie M. Gordon discusses similar ideals on her blog, she said, Rather than entering into cohabitation after having already decided they want to spend their lives together, some of them are sliding into their marriages. What is it about living together that impacts marriage so negatively? Note:Portions of this post are taken from a book I wrote with Josh McDowell,The Bare Facts: 39 Questions Your Parents Hope You Never Ask About Sex. Historically, cohabitation was a strong predictor of divorce, but not necessarily because cohabitation itself created discord, but because people who were liberal enough to cohabitate without marriage tended to be liberal enough to seek a divorce. When it comes to a new car, a test drive is a wise idea. As cohabitation has become a norm, however, studies have shown that the effect is not entirely explained by individual characteristics like religion, education or politics. Similarly, single parents, same-sex parents, cohabitating parents, and unwed parents are changing our notion of what it means to be a family. Additionally, the study will only look at couples that cohabit with the eventual goal of getting married, as opposed to couples that consider legal marriage to be unnecessary or undesirable in their union., According to a census report, there has been a 72 percent increase in the number of cohabiting couples since 1990., Examine the reasons for the changes in the patterns of marriage and cohabitation in the last 40 years or so., An estimate of 70% of couples living in the U.S. Are currently cohabiting. There is no such thing as no strings attached love. Some sociologists study marriage in order to find out some causes to the divorce. 3. Couples who cohabitate before marriage are ______ couples who did not cohabitate before marriage to be married at least ten years. "Those couples who have lived with each other are noticeably (around 15 percent) more likely to divorce. Before I answer those questions, a few disclaimers: It may be that not many readers of this blog are running out to sign up for a marriage trial run. This is an arrangement where a couple takes the marriage for a test spin before committing for life. Why do Christians address sexuality and gender issues all the time? Gods design is for our hearts to become so tethered to our spouse that its as if we are one flesh. In fact, there is a deeper, mysterious, spiritual union that takes place. The idea is that people should learn how to cohabitate before marriage to see if they could in fact eventually get married. We've heard married people are happier, but that might not be a reason to rush to the altar, according to a new study. Is this something that you see yourself doing in the future?, One reason is changing social attitudes. She is the motherof threeboys and the author of 13 books which can be found on her website. The degree to which individuals reported cohabiting to test their relationships was associated with more negative couple communication and more physical aggression as well as lower relationship adjustment, confidence, and dedication. This shows that the change in attitudes has led to people making their own decision about whether they marry or cohabitate. Many teens do not realize what could happen in their lives, higher debt, family disownment or shame, and even children. Now, if an American were to be asked these two questions around seventy years ago, the answers would most likely have been yes; however that is not the case in todays society. Marriage creates a foundation of loyalty, real or perceived, that gives men and women intimacy opportunities which they find to be more fulfilling. Many believe that you should be marry to the person but it's the 20th century a lot of the old traditions are really not followed as much. Couples choose to live together to get a foretaste of what marriage will be like, but the very things that make marriage work are absent in that situation. Although, while. For many, its their first time away from home, their first time managing their own lives, and their first time living as an adult. There is another point of view like an organization called The Alternatives to Marriage Project (AtMP) believes that unmarried relationships should deserve validation and support., Benefits of Healthy Marriages for Children and Youth-Author unknown (2010) Retrieved June 10, 2010, from http://www.acf.hhs.gov/healthymarriage/benefits/index.html, Due to the great amount of freedom underage teenagers receive after they turn eighteen; it can result in them having an invincible feeling. Did you know that over half of all first marriages are now preceded by living together compared to virtually none 50 years ago? According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 8.5 million unmarried couples lived together in 2018 (they didn't count same-sex couples in that number). please help me answer these two questions they're just mulltiple choice, who was in charge of georgia during the royal period, Texas was allowed to be a ______ state in the compromise of 1850, discuss the international relations of Nepal after the year of 2007 bs.. But that doesn't mean it's for everyone. Negative outcomes like these are called the "cohabitation effect". Couples who cohabit before marriage tend to make less of a commitment, are less satisfied with their marriage and are more likely to divorce. This is a strong point. But Gods design is that we learn those things within the loving protection of a lifetime commitment. This love focuses on the intimacy, closeness and emotion of a relationship, rather than the feelings of obligation and duty that is in vows at marriage. Since 1980:The number of couples who live together before marriage has increased by 1,000 percent. But what about marriage? Couples who cohabitate have less fulfilling sexual lives. What factors contribute to the relationship between premarital cohabitation and divorce? And the social data isnt all bad; 31 percentof young people surveyed said that they are still in favor of traditional marriagethe kind where a couple is committed until death do us part? But I still wrote this post (and hope you will read it) because . 2. Couples who cohabitate after getting engaged experience marital dissatisfaction earlier than couples who cohabitate earlier. Here's a snapshot of this trend. Married Couples who Cohabitate Before Marriages *have higher rates of seperation and divorce once they get married 4 Stages of Cohabitation in Society 1. Researchers are divided as to whether cohabitation itself is to blame for the increase in divorce rates, or whether other factors, such as socio-economic status, childhood family life, or level of education that are statistical factors for divorce are the same factors that lead to a predilection for premarital cohabitation. My best friend is the youngest in her family will be the last to go off to college in Washington and her parents have discussed moving to Seattle to start a new life, so that she will not be too far away from them. People who married did report better overall health compared with those who cohabited, which may be explained by the entitlements (such as health insurance for spouses) that come with marriage.. Nick Van Orden, 24, agreed saying, I plan on moving in with my girlfriend before we get engaged because you really do not truly know a person until you live with them. Most of us do. Jay actually found that couples who lived together before they made the walk down the aisle tended to be more likely to divorce. The researchers emphasized that "we are certainly not saying that marriage is irrelevant for individual well-being," Musick said. It is assumed that these days adults in their 20's don't want to grow up, but Gottlieb makes an interesting statement, "The problem may be less kids are refusing to separate and individuate than that their parents are refusing to do so." Confusing, exhilarating, and for some, difficult, the experiences freshmen have are transformative at 18 or 19. . Fringe activity practiced by only a few 2. Gender roles have changed, family mobility has increased, fertility has declined and union formation patterns have become more fluid and less stable (Morrison, 2015). But, as time changes, so do societal norms and living together before marriage has grown more and more common. The number of unmarried couples living together increased 72% between 1990 and 2000. However, the ONS found that 60% of cohabiting couples will eventually end in marriage showing that monogamy can often replace serial monogamy. Advertisement They have to cook and clean on their own, which some young individuals may not know how to do, so they will spend more money on fast foods rather than staying home and cooking. For those looking back on their freshman year, there is undeniable growth. (For more on that, check out this great post Divorced . Before you sign on the dotted line for that new house, you ought to go over the place with a fine tooth comb a time or two. The majority of teens move out their houses after they graduate high school to college campuses or their own place usually far, One perspective I found accurate was that many parents depend on their children for happiness. This alongside the acceptance of sex before marriage means cohabitation without marriage is likely to occur. Expert Answer . . If you really get to see your partners true colors and can learn to balance bills and all of the other responsibilities that come with living together before that final commitment of marriage, how could you not work out? On the one hand, the experiences of marriage and cohabitation have become increasingly similar. It's the relationship itself, rather than its official status, that's key to its benefits, said study researcher Kelly Musick, an associate professor of policy analysis and management at Cornell University's College of Human Ecology. 1950: Nineout of 10 women married without first living with their partners. However, studies suggest that couples who live together before the wedding may be less likely. article continues after advertisement. This may be because cohabitation offers more room for independence and personal growth, which may be particularly important for some people at certain stages in life, Musick said. The permanence and holiness of Gods design. For some, marriage may be a great source of happiness. Those of us who are specifically in the trenches of speaking truth to the next generation (parents, pastors, teachers) need to look this trend in the eye and have compelling biblical reasons to choose to stick with Gods plan. Because being married actually causes the advantages 2. (Benefits) (Valeria Montes Flores) But what exactly are students eating that creates this phenomenon? For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser. Most couples see it like a trial run to determine if their relationship can stand up to the day-in and day-out challenges of life without the total commitment that marriage requires. sex and children should only be a result of marriage. They bought the lie that sex was something best explored before saying I do. Ten, 15and 20 years into their marriage, the consequences of stepping outside the guardrails of Gods best in this area of their lives is still wreaking havoc. However, there are people who do. And it is seen that couples who cohabitate before marriage are slightly less likely than couples who did not cohabitate before marriage to be married at least ten years. Those who got married or started living with a partner experienced higher levels of happiness, and lower levels of depression, than those who remained single, although these advantages faded with time. "Being in a romantic relationship, irrespective of the legal form, does provide benefits over remaining single," Musick said. Many previous studies looking at the benefits of marriage have focused on comparing married couples with single people, or comparing married with cohabiting couples at one point in time. Spending more time together and convenience were the most strongly endorsed reasons. The researchers noted it's been about 20 years since the surveys they used were performed, and the relative benefits of marriage versus cohabitation may have changed in recent years. Why cohabitation isnt good preparation for marriage, Millennials and cohabitation: Understanding motivations and ministering well. And they have conducted studies of couples who have lived together before marriage. More, 901 Commerce Street, Suite 550 If so, were they married when they had you? 1990: One-third of couples lived together before saying "I do.". Besides being terribly unromantic . Its intended to endure. Even non-Christian researchers have found that the most sexually satisfied among us are those who stick to this plan. It is economically cheaper than maintaining two households. The idea is that people should learn . Marriage offers a potential destination and final goal, which makes the decision to stay easier because it takes more work to just leave. Phone: (202) 547-8105 Fax: (202) 547-8165. Cohabitation may lead to marriage, but it can also be a way for young people to test the relationship market before tying the knot. Using studies from the last ten years, this paper will argue that as cohabitation becomes societally normalized the likelihood of divorce will correlatively decrease, and that cohabitation on its own does not contribute to an unsuccessful or unstable future marriage. Young individuals who live on their own also have to pay for their utility bills when, on the other hand, if they lived with their parents they wouldnt have to pay rent or utilities, so it wouldnt be so stressful for this person to live comfortably. 1950: Nine out of 10 women married without first living with their partners. As with. This may change, however, as many cohabitating couples were lesbian and gay, but now marriage has been opened up to them as an alternative.. Couples should live together before marriage because they will learn more about. However, it's not clear whether their findings would be more or less true today, Musick said. The acceptance of sex outside marriage has made it more likely that cohabitation will occur. Is giving the marriage a trial run by living together first a wise and holy idea? People who married did report better overall health compared with those who cohabited, which may be explained by the entitlements (such as health insurance for spouses) that come with marriage. It's more practical If a couple comes to an age where moving in together before marriage makes sense than pay twice for rent. Jill Martin just released a cozy TODAY fashion collection heres how to shop it. Engaged couples who live together before marrying are no more likely to divorce than other married people, but those who haven't yet lived together are less likely to get married in the first place. IE 11 is not supported. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate (v. 6). Although this trend is gaining more popularity in society, marriage in America is pertinent for growth as a nation., Cohabiting couples cannot just live their lives satisfied, comfortable, and in a better financial position, also their kids can live comfortably with a good role model. December 6, 2017 CHRISTINA TERMYNA. The fact that research has now proven that these facts can lead couples into feeling that they must now get married is disheartening because in many of these cases it leads to divorce. People who cohabitate with another person after a divorce have a higher rate of premarital happiness than people who live alone after a divorce. For example the marriage should be between a man and woman, the cohabitation and many other ones. Cohabitation is when a couple lives together for an extended period as if they were married, but is not a legal agreement. Cohabitation before Marriage Why do young adults cohabitate? Freshman year can be an overwhelming experience. Rachael RettnerMyHealthNewsDailyWe've heard married people are happier, but that might not be a reason to rush to the altar, according to a new study.In terms of health, self-esteem, and psychological well-being, marriage offers little benefit over simply living together without wedding rings, the study found.It's the relationship itself, rather than its official status, that's key to its benefits, marriage may be a great source of happiness, 5 Ways Relationships Are Good for Your Health, Hypersex to Hoarding: 7 New Psychological Disorders, 6 Scientific Tips for a Successful Marriage. . When a marriage no longer has confluent love, the relationship is likely to end. Many teens do not realize what could happen in their lives, higher debt, family disownment or shame, and even children. Participants rated their overall health and happiness, and were also asked questions to assess their self -esteem, depression and the strength of their ties to friends and family. However, most studies have found that couples that cohabit before marriage are more likely to get a divorce within the first ten years of marriage. In Matthew 19, Jesus was teaching about marriage when He said, So they are no longer two but one flesh. Take it from someone who has been married for more than a decade, these are things best practiced within the context of marriage. Over the study period, close to 900 participants married or began living with a romantic partner. Why? When I see a trend, I always want to filter it through Gods Word. It allows couples to spend lots of time together. In terms of health, self-esteem, and psychological well-being, marriage offers little benefit over simply living together without wedding rings, the study found. Across all years examined in this study, the odds of divorce were 1.31 times higher for women who cohabitated prior to marriage. Specifically, the commitment that allows couples to weather the trials of life together. She said, I truly believe couples should live together before getting married because it allows you to get to know the person on a deeper level, rather than making sure you always look good for the other person. Barlow et al found increasing acceptance of cohabitation. The goal isnt to have a perfect marriage from day one, but to grow into the people and couple God wants you to be together. Giddens argues that there has been a trend towards confluent love. . Participants who cohabited in the study were happier and had greater self-esteem than those who were married. Couples who cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with their marriages and more likely to divorce than. Between classes, exams, full-time and part-time jobs, fraternities and sororities, it can be hard to have that desired me time. Jay shows the difficulty of getting out of marriage when she says, Lock-in is the decreased likelihood to search for, or change to, another option once an investment in something has been made. (Jay, 251). You can specify conditions of storing and accessing cookies in your browser. Meg Jay, author of The Downside of Cohabiting before Marriage points out a great fact about marriage that contradicts Does definition of how easy to get divorce. According to a relationship expert Rachel Sussman, Its important to be roommates and see how that impacts your relationship. She believes couples should learn how to handle arguments over things like finances and cleanliness around the house before getting married. Yet, young individuals living on their own have the freedom to come and go as they, The 20th century has been the scene of rapid social change. Because of that, its good to remember what Gods plan for marriage looks like. There is no way to have a free trial of the kind of commitment God designed to be enjoyed between husbands and wives. This shows that the change in religions social attitude, cohabitation is accepted more, leading to an increase in cohabitation. Jason and I have counseled many couples who didnt wait to have sex until their wedding night. Nashville, Tennessee 37203 Fax: (615) 242-0065, 505 Second St., N.E. So, with that in mind, is it a good idea to live together before marriage? People are becoming more and more complacent with their significant other being just a partner rather than a spouse, better known as cohabitation. Some will argue that they need to make sure that they are sexually compatible before agreeing to share a bedroom for life. In 2018, 15 percent of young adults ages 25-34 live with an unmarried partner, up from 12 percent 10 years ago. "I think thats an incredibly naive view," Lee said. Adults younger than 30 are more likely than older adults to see cohabitation as a path to a successful marriage: 63% of young adults say couples who live together before marriage have a better chance of having a successful marriage, compared with 52% of those ages 30 to 49, 42% of those ages 50 to 64 and 37% of those 65 and older. In fact, somewhere in the neighborhood of 40 percentof people between the ages of 18 to34 said they like the idea of a beta marriage. If youre a non-techie like me, that phrase might not mean much, but its connected to the practice of beta testing. Thats geek for simply testing a product before its official release. Today: Half of all marriages are preceded by cohabitation. Why are some couples choosing to cohabit before marriage? Religion regarded cohabitation as living in sin, but today there is less shame attached to it. But, as time changes, so do societal norms and living together before marriage has grown more and more common. Allan and Crow argue that effective contraception has made it possible for partners to cohabit without fear of pregnancy. Here are some of the reasons why couples move in together: 1. There is less pressure to follow traditional norms and values. At the same time, divorce rates have more than doubled, going from 20-25% of all marriages ending in divorce in the 1950s and 60s, to almost 50% today. Is it a good idea to enjoy a free trial without the commitment of a permanent arrangement? In other words, some couples who would not (and should not) have gotten married otherwise do so because they were living together. The research no longer supports that cohabitation is such a strong predictor of divorce, however, since cohabitation and divorce are now becoming more normal, Wrenn continued. I understand that there are many different thoughts or people that don't support this idea. Do beta marriages fit into Gods plan for marriage? People's concepts of marriage and family in the United States are changing. Some people prefer love that focuses of on intimacy, closeness and emotion rather than the duties of marriage. My opinion is that we should just let them cohabitate to become responsible and learn by themselves., Cohabitation before Marriage Why do young adults cohabitate? A couple generations ago, cohabitation before marriage was uncommon and even frowned upon. These institutional changes have impacted individuals and families in dramatic ways. Recent studies have shown that marriages in America have taken a tremendous decline due to other alternatives than marriage. In order to develop solid relationships with a decrease in the likelihood of divorce, many young adults are . Up until recent years, it was unusual, as well as frowned upon for couples to live with one another before marriage. Here are some statistics on cohabitating couples. Acceptable alternative to marriage 4. Late last month, the Journal of Marriage and Family published a new study with a somewhat foreboding finding: Couples who lived together before marriage had a lower divorce rate in their. College is supposed to be the best four years of your life, but they can also be the most stressful. Cohabitating Before Marriage: The New Wave. In contrast, those who choose to have sex outside of marriage, bring to the altar the baggage that comes with sexual sin. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.. To elaborate, Living alone may seem great and be lots of fun, but living alone also has disadvantages. The couple can get to know each other better This site is using cookies under cookie policy . Phone: (615) 244-2495 However, this is changing, and it is now becoming a relatively normal family structure., She continued, As the social requirements for marriage are decreasing (many women can now support themselves financially and have children outside of marriage) and the social stigma is relaxing, cohabitation is growing in popularity. While these thoughts certainly make sense, Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist at the University of Virginia, discussed an idea known as the cohabitation effect in an article for The New York Times. The number of unmarried couples living together increased tenfold from 1960 to 2000. Most young adults even the coddled ones, still want to venture out and experience some degree of independence. 40 percentof people who cohabit break up before marriage. Erin lives on a small farm in rural Missouri and Read By the year 2010, if the present trend continues, there will be 7 married couples for every cohabiting couple. It's being with your partner and saving money at the same time practical. (Cohabitation Facts, "Cohabitation - It's Training for Divorce- Chuck Colson (1995). The new study followed 2,737 single men and women over six years to see what happened when they entered a relationship or got married. The paper will focus only on studies on heterosexual couples, as legal same-sex marriage is too new for any meaningful data sets to have been accumulated. Negative outcomes like these are called the "cohabitation effect".. view details (Video) Persuasive Speech- Living together before marriage will lower the divorce rate. Scholars term this relationship inertia. Simply enough, it is harder to end a relationship when you are living with your partner.. If youve ever done a free trial download of software or been given a free sample of something and asked to provide feedback, youve been a beta tester. Guy Brandon found that couples who . But, cohabitation rarely leads to happily ever after.. Not long ago, many states had laws on the book prohibiting cohabitation, and cohabitation was statistically infrequent. However, being a freshman later on in life is a completely difference entirely, at least, it is for Lauren Gnoinski. 1990:One-third of couples lived together before saying I do.. Amberly Russomano, a 24-year-old psychology student, lived with her fianc for three years before getting engaged this past January. In reality, the people who aren't getting married may not be doing so because it wont make them any better off, Lee said. Over the past 40 years cohabitation has moved from being viewed as a deviant form of union formation to the preferred social norm as a transition from dating to marriage. People who claim marriage brings great benefits to everyone "are kind of cherry-picking the research," Lee said. Educational, political, economic and religious institutions have been changing and morphing as the century progressed. Living alone, teens tend to have more responsibilities than they know. Washington, DC 20002 Moreover, the findings suggest that for some, cohabitation may be the better option than marriage, Musick said. As the culture moves toward wider acceptance of cohabitation, it is wise to know where God stands and to be able to articulate that well and with love. The Bible calls men and women to refrain from sex outside of marriage and enjoy it after. Today:Half of all marriages are preceded by cohabitation. In today's economic environment, marriage does not bring the same financial benefits as it used it, he said. Dont you love a free triala no-strings-attached chance to try something out before you shell out your hard-earned cash? How Times Have Changed The study is published in the February issue of the Journal of Marriage and Family. More research is needed to better inform policy-makers about the advantages, or lack thereof, of such campaigns. - 8390013 They see the real you. Russomano is 100 percent sure in marrying her fianc now because she is certain that they cannot only live together, but they can live together happily. The new findings are extremely valuable because they provide a clearer picture of the advantages of marriage, and counter the view that "marriage is the solution to so many of our problems" said Gary Lee, professor and chair department of sociology at Bowling Green State University in Ohio, who was not involved in the study. For the purposes of this paper, there will be two limitations on the studies and data collections used. Does your marriage need a test run? The short answer is no. 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